Monday, July 23, 2012

Growing Pains

I haven't written in almost a month. I had a pretty good run blogging weekly and though I missed two weeks prior to this past lapse, its this recent lack of posting that made me feel a little ashamed.  Up until then I had felt I was able to do alot: work full time, maintain my home, be a good mother, and write weekly about it.  The lapse wasn't because I didn't want to write. It was because I really had no time or mental energy due to the chaos I am currently calling my life.

There are many things my husband and I have been going through in the past month that are laying the groundwork for the next five years.  It involves our home, jobs, finances, and just as everything is coming to a head and we feel that wave of change cresting, we are gasping for air over the choppy waters of stress and fatigue.  In the past month I've started to feel like I did when I first wrote the blog.  That parenthood is hard and seems unmanageable at times, when there are so many other things on my mind. My daughter's love of the word "no" coupled with her disdain for her toddler bed also makes my husband and I our own version of The Walking Dead. Culminating into what feels like everything just sucks.  

I wouldn't have been so mad at myself had I not had a number of thoughts I should've written down.  Things thatmy daughter did that amazed me or made me think.  Moments that could've turned into a number of posts. 

Since I've written last she has figured out how to put on and velcro her shoes, talks in almost complete sentences, learned to float on her own with swimmies in the pool, and has gotten better at brushing her teeth.  One of my new favorite things is her wanting to sit with one hand around my neck and tell me "we're friends."  She is getting to the point where my husband and I look at each other through hazy eyes and question which one of us taught her that. 

She is absorbing the world around her and pointing out things that we often don't pay attention to.  The fact that there are shapes everywhere. "Octagon!" she says and points to a window on a house.  "T-O-Y-S!" she spells excitedly as we are parked in front of a store.  While my mind skips from one pressing thought to the next she reminds me that the moments I've taken to teach her something are slowly manifesting into full sentences, ideas, and realizations.  Seeds that I planted without effort that are now in bloom.

I'm hoping when my husband and I read this months from now we can say, "Wow remember that?" from the better place we'd like to be.  Til then I'll keep reminding myself of where I was right before my daughter's first birthday, a few weeks before I started this blog.  Feeling the weight of motherhood and the adult world around me.  Unaware of what change was about to come that would label everything before it as just growing pains. 

1 comment:

  1. It was so nice to meet you at BlogHer12! As the mother of 17-month-old twins I've enjoyed reading your blog -- it helps me see the possibilities of what lies ahead. As a fellow "writer, blogger, tired parent," I'm impressed that you do all you do! Looking forward to reading more ...